Okay, bizarre dream last night. Very bizarre dream. I can’t remember all of it clearly enough but I remember sneaking into some club and seeing a performance of people standing on each other like those people who make human pyramids etc but this was more like human boxes which folded out like transformers (which are cool, by the way). I noticed that some of those people were people from one of the youth theatre groups I used to be with.

Then there was a girl sat in front of me in the audience and I turned off the computer under her chair. I leaned over and she had a blank screen in front of her and she was like “my computer’s off” – so I told her that it’s because it had crashed. I then said to her that I’d turned it off and it’s probably best to keep it off because it’s not going to be useful during a show anyway.

I mean like, What… The… Hell?!?

Then I sneaked out and was greeted by a bunch of penguins. After lending them some money for the bus, I decided to try and sell my dad’s house. No-one would believe that I was trying to sell it so I tried to prove it by killing people with Mars Bars. Then I told a news reporter that I was selling the house and then suddenly a huge loud voice bellowed from directly behind me “I WANT HOUSE!!!” and damn did that wake me up!!!

I’ve never been so shocked in my life. And then I thought about everything that had happened in my dream and it’s just like… what the hell did I do yesterday to generate that?!?

I know that I watched a movie on TV called How to Create a Monster and I spent ages waiting for them to show you how to actually create a monster. I want my minions damnit!!!

Turns out I’d need an iChip (some kind of artificial intelligence chip aka an excuse for a plot), a woman with breasts, a power surge and an expensive robotic suit with which to place the woman with breasts inside when the power surge occurs. And a couple of corpses too. I don’t have any of those. Especially the woman with breasts.

The guy who played Sabretooth on X-Men (Tyler Mane) was in that movie too. I didn’t realise how little makeup he needed in X-Men. That dude hardly looks different at all.

Looks like I’m going to have to come up with another plan if I want my own minion army. Minions are cool. Everyone should have minions. Minions rule cos they do stuff.