I was talking with someone the other day about tickling and how it’s a form of torture that can be used in any country. And how hugs can be used in any country aswell. And how it could be wrong for children to be allowed teddy bears.

Think about it - what is a teddy? Well Dictionary.com lists it as “A woman’s undergarment combining a camisole top and panties.” Well, obviously that’s not what I had in mind…

A teddy bear is known for being cute and soft and huggable. And what are bears? Well, they too can be cute at times, and I’m assuming their fur is soft, but hugging one is very dangerous. They live outside and hide from us. Though we do not know it, they hunt us out and wait by our front doors, waiting to strike! Teddys are misleading for kids who some day will find themselves abandoned on a desert island surrounded by bears who hold goldfish hostage in the back of their caves. Then there’s all that growling and knarling and excess squeezage and it’s not very nice. But it’s at this point that ironically the comfort of a teddy bear will keep us safe during the horrible winter months in those long dark caves. The goldfish don’t talk much though.

But still, mothers should be more responsible. They’re adults and should know what they’re talking about. And when talking about things, there are some things that they should never say or do. Here are some of those things;

• Quacking loudly
• Randomly telling you that they’re on their period
• Making you aware that their period may very well endanger your life

The other day when I was frantically trying to get hold of an Apple Cinema Display, I had to rely on my mom to drive me round places cos I still can’t drive yet. After we left PC World Warrington to continue our journey to PC World Chester, my mom said to me;

“You’re going to have to keep an eye out for other traffic for me because I’m on my period.”

She went on to say that she’s very clumsy and accident-prone when she’s on her period and that it makes her quite a dangerous driver. Great. Well I guess now I know for sure which side of the family my clumsiness comes from. But perhaps I should emphasise how dangerous she can be.

On car parks and normal straight roads there were times when she appeared to have difficulty driving in a straight line. I started to panic a little. We went on the motorway. I had to keep telling my mom that she was drifting into the next lane. I later ended up having a conversation about this with her best friend (as you do) and apparently she’s terrified of being in a car that my mom’s driving whilst on her period.

For anyone who’s having difficulty following this so far; any information regarding my mother and her monthly bleeding cycle is too much information! Heck, when I woke up that morning it’s hardly how I expected the day to turn out. Although I guess that at least it was better that she mentioned her period in Warrington and not in Chester - because the moment we came out of PC World Chester she asked me if I wanted a MacDonalds….!

You know, it’s the creepy things like this that happen to me that leave me feeling deprived that as a child I was never captured by the bears outside.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 29th, 2005 at 9:58 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.