So I’m looking around my room and finding that it’s surrounded by glass. There’s my window, my monitors, my tv, and a few bottles here and there. It turns out that I might infact enjoy J20’s more than I was aware. In less than 2 weeks my room has managed to aquire 24 [now empty] bottles of the stuff! My room is surrounded with the things. They’re like a small army that keep multiplying. I don’t know how they do it - I’ve never been witness to bottle sex, and how that would work I don’t know and don’t really want to know. Although if it has anything to do with junk mail then that could also explain the increase of that in my room aswell.

They’re starting to look at me real funny. Not “ha ha” funny, more like “stop looking at us or we’ll tell the toaster!” funny - and that wouldn’t be a good thing. These J20 bottles sure are organised. The Toaster though is a nasty piece of work. Sure, it seems innocent, but do one wrong thing and when you next put your hand in to reach for the toast it’ll grasp it and burn your hand to a crisp! And you can’t eat hands. Not when they’re burnt. You can eat pizza though. And ice cream. Which reminds me, I’m hungry again and there’s more in the fridge.

I wonder if it’s possible to toast marmalade? I’ve not had marmalade for a long time. It’s become a distant memory of orange stuff with even orangier bits in it that Paddington Bear used to keep under his hat. I’ve just looked at the old bears website and found on the FAQ something about his age;

How old is Paddington?
When Paddington first went to live with the Browns he wasn’t sure how old he was, so they decided to start again at one. They also agreed that bears – just like the queen – have two birthdays every year and they decided that Paddington should celebrate his on Christmas Day and June 25th.

And do you know what struck me as strange? That’s MY BIRTHAY TOO! I was born on June 25th 1983. I’m sure that being born was against my will and that it probably happened as a result of tripping over and falling out of the womb by accident. The womb is supposed to be very comfortable. I like being comfortable. It’s comfy. But what I can’t understand is why of all the times I watched Paddington Bear as a kid - he never ONCE told me when his birthday was. And I’m SURE he knew when mine was - and he NEVER bought be a present! Not even a marmalade sandwich! That’s the problem with these marmalade addicts - all marmalade but no sharey sharey.

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