I’m at work as I write this which is not a good idea for 3 reasons;

• I could get caught, and considering that this is not work then I could get into a lot of trouble for it.
• There are things on this website that I’d rather not reveal to other members of staff here.
• Because I work at a school it’s full of educated types, who might know what the word ‘choad’ actually means.

Yesterday I came up with an idea. I wondered, if I was running low on toilet paper and was down to the last sheet of it, if the school would allow me to use the photocopier to make some more? Ironically, this morning I ran out of toilet paper. There’s a box of Kleenex on my supervisor’s desk, so I could always try photocopying that instead as a temporary alternative.

I’m looking outside my window and it’s raining. That means it’s wet. That means that somewhere, someone is soaked to the skin. And I’m not. But I will be when I leave if it’s still raining. Now whilst this might very well be quite obvious to you, what probably isn’t obvious is that I’ve just accidentally poked myself in the face with my pen. That hurt a bit. Hopefully the ink will wash off whilst I’m walking home.

For those of you who can remember, when I was at Tesco I often learned new things. Yesterday I learned something new in the office;

When you go to answer the phone on your supervisors desk you might very well be in a rush to answer it in time before the caller hangs up. Under no circumstances during such a mad panic rush should you ever attempt to stand on the base of your supervisors chair the moment you grab the phone – even if only by accident. Your supervisors chair is most likely on wheels, and as such will roll from under your feet. This can result in you falling and landing smack on the desk and then bouncing off onto the floor, which aside from hurting your face, arm and back, also makes answering the phone quite difficult.

There’s a bizarre smell outside the school today. Rob (one of the Men in Black) said it was O-Zone. Funny, I thought it smelt more like fuel from the boiler in the building to our right. I suppose it’s always possible that the boiler does actually run off O-Zone. And of course, I’m only assuming it’s a boiler – from what I’ve seen it’s just a load of big brass pipes, so for all I know it could very well be a very large musical instrument that makes noises like a chicken.

I’ve been at rehearsals the last couple of nights and on Tuesday night I messed up my lines so much. For instance, like one time when the prompt gave someone their line;

Prompt: “She’s waiting downstairs at Reception”
Me: “No she isn’t”
Prompt: “No, that was your line!”
Me: “Oh”
The Director: “Don’t argue with the prompt”

Oops! Luckily the director was laughing and not shouting. I don’t like it when women go all shouty shouty. Or if they ask you if you think they’re fat. Once asked that question, there is rarely ever a way out. If you say “No, of course not” then they just reply back with “You’re only saying that. You can’t even trust me enough to tell me the truth. You think I’m fat.” But if instead you say “Well, yeah, maybe a bit” then they reply with “How could you say that? That’s a terrible thing to say!” and in both cases they go back to being all shouty shouty and possibly violent and then you’ll probably be admitted to hospital and leave with just one testicle. And it’ll also probably be the wrong one. So you’ll have to return where you’ll be at risk of being run over by an old man in a wheelchair. Called Gerry. But why they’re naming wheelchairs is beyond me. Personally, I’d have called it Cedric.

I am now laughing at the fact that Rob has just come into the office and the phone began to ring. I told him that he should answer it instead of me because it’s most likely going to be for Tech Support anyway (being his job) but I didn’t tell him about my now increasing fear of answering that phone. Anyway, whilst he was on the phone, our supervisors daughter came into the room. He hung up the phone and said to her “Cover your ears, I’m about to swear at Al. Al – You BASTARD!” Turns out it was a huge job on top of the other five huge jobs or so that he still has to do which he could have done without, heh heh heh. Fantastic.

And today I’m liking the word ‘squiggly’.