I am at work and it seems to me as though everytime I look outside my office window, I am witness to the death of a leaf. One by one the leaves are falling off the trees and yet nobody mourns. Why do they not mourn? Is it because the leaves are bad? Is it because they can’t talk? Could it be because they look ugly and brown instead of nice and green? After thinking long and hard about this complex situation and talking to no-one about it I have come to a conclusion that’s quite simple really - it’s because they don’t wear socks!

A lot of the past couple of weeks I’ve been spending a lot of time on Faceparty. For those who aren’t familiar with Faceparty it’s basically one of these sites where you make a profile for yourself and then you and everyone else search through profiles and message people who want to get to know each other. So basically it’s a dating service which you do yourself rather than relying on some computer to randomly match you up with some half naked dwarf called Ed who has a drinking problem and a mother called Beartrice who likes men with fluffy shoes.

For those that are interested, here’s my profile;

http://www.faceparty.com/Shloerolic/

I used to have another profile that wasn’t much different, but I wasn’t happy with the username. I’ve been on Faceparty for about a year. In all that time, hardly anyone contacted me. Since I’ve been on virtually non-stop these last two weeks no-one has replied to any of my messages, no-one’s contacted me, and I’ve spent wasted hours on the Faceparty chatrooms to find that I’ve gotten absolutely nowhere. And why is this? As far as I can tell, it’s because I don’t have breasts.

I don’t mean as though I’d have to own a pair of breasts - I’m not one of these breast-collecting people. I don’t keep a wide selection of breasts in a bucket. I’m not like some sort of breast amputating surgeon or a strange person who calls it “a hobby”.

Louise, a friend of mine (who has her own blog called Pure Irony of Mind) has been surprised that I’ve had no-one contact me (take note that this is all before the above paragraph). But her surprised attitude is probably because she gets about 10 messages a day, every time she messages someone they always reply back, and when she joins a chatroom all she has to do is literally say “hello” and suddenly her window is filled with people requesting private chats with her. We’re not just talking guys - some girls contact her too! She’s even been contacted by a shemale!

Although granted, I can’t put it down to a lack of breasts. There are often a lot of guys who go into a room and have a lot of girls saying “ur HOT!” to them. This will be because I lack a few things;

 
1. A hot/sexy/gorgeous/fit/attractive body.
2. A life-threatening / life-saving job that provides a uniform.
3. An obsession of going after only one thing (i.e. sex).

Number 2 is especially true - Firemen, policemen and soldiers all seem to find it very easy to find lots of girls to chat with them. I’ve questioned a few girls about it and it seems to me as though any guy in one of those roles would not be remotely as attractive as if they were an ice-cream vendor or postman.

It’s not entirely true that no-one has replied back to one of my messages, but there has only ever been a couple - which over the course of a year pretty much counts. I don’t know what happened to the first one she stopped talking after not too long, and the second replied back and asked me if I had msn, so I added her to that. Then she asked if I had a webcam (I don’t) and if I had any pics so I showed some to her, at which point she immediately blocked me and never spoke to me again.

At least I didn’t waste my time on someone shallow, but still, it’s a bit of an ego killer.

I was chatting in a room last night and there was a girl who’s most embarassing moment was being trapped inside the boys toilets at McDonalds cos she was too scared to let anyone see that she’d gone into the wrong room. She asked me what my most embarrasing moment was.

Here’s a tip to the wise - never tell them your most embarassing moment. This rule I followed. But that doesn’t mean that you should tell them your second or third one either… unless you can do it without going into too much detail.

I told her how one of mine was when Louise and her boyfriend made me believe that breasts squeak. When asked how I old I was, I answered truthfully;

21 years old.

Suddenly all credibility of having a serious conversation with anyone in that room dissapeared. For those that have read my profile, you will now see why I have “Saying random things at the wrong times” is listed as one of my bad habits. This means that there are another two items for me to put on the list of things that I’m lacking…

 
4. The ability to lie convincingly.
5. A webcam.

Sometimes I feel that it would be better if women were attracted to guys who could count to 5 in a funny voice, then perhaps I’d have more of a chance. Hell, even that might be pushing it for me -perhaps just the ability to count to 5 would be better.

I’m half-tempted to change my photos to someone else and make my profile sound like I understand cars and soccer. It would probably also help if my experience with girls didn’t match that of an 11 year old (a friend’s observation, not mine).

So if there is anyone 12 years or older that could give me some advice then that would be greatly appreciated. Also, if anyone knows where I can find socks for leaves then that would be appreciated too.

The leaves look cold…

This entry was posted on Monday, November 14th, 2005 at 4:30 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.