I have some really bad news. There’s been an accident. Tilt’s been beaten up pretty bad. The Mini he collided with has gone; it’s a complete write-off. Tilt’s just been dropped off at my house by my breakdown service after two days of trying to get him back.

On Tuesday 13^th December, I came off a sliproad onto a T-Junction and was about to turn right. My memory is still a little fragmented after a minor head injury but I remember seeing that the road was clear and I started to move out. Next thing I know, a green Mini appeared from out of no-where and slammed into the driver’s side of Tilt.

If you imagine a Mini as being a sardine can with a bit sticking out of the front (i.e. so that the car can have an engine to make it go) well, it doesn’t have that bit sticking out of it anymore. It’s also not for sale on eBay anymore, which prior to the accident it was.

Aside from a few bruised ribs, the other driver is okay, as our myself and my friend Louise who was in the front passenger seat.

As for Tilt, that’s another story. After being breathalised (even though I don’t drink) and read my rights (even though I wasn’t being arrested), I couldn’t get my recovery service (Autonational Rescue – a good service with the added bonus of sounding like International Rescue) to collect Tilt because I hadn’t spoken with my insurance company. Unfortunately, I didn’t have my details on me at the time.

As an alternative, the police offered to have my vehicle towed, at which point I’d be able to get Autonational Rescue to collect it from their depot and take it either to my house or a garage. Fine, not a problem.

Except it’s never that bloody simple, is it?

The next day I phone my insurance company, then I phone Autonational Rescue who then said I had to phone Midland Recovery Ltd (the people who had Tilt) so that I could give permission for Autonational Recovery to collect him.

I’ll simplify the conversation we had down to 3 words. Release fee: £199.

Put simply, without even knowing if Tilt is drivable or even repairable or not, I don’t really have that kind of money. So I phone up Autonational Rescue and have to stop them from sending out Thundertruck 2 to pick up Tilt. Then it was a long process of trying to sort out getting checked up by the hospital, phoning the Citizens Advice Bureau, going down to my local police station to provide my driving licence, MOT and Insurance certificate etc. And that’s where Day 2 ends.

Day 3: I phone up the police and have a talk with them. They tell me the standard charge is £105. So where’s the other £94 coming in? Apparently, they’re additional charges that go on top. There’s also the problem whereby charges increase the longer they have to hold a vehicle. And somehow I don’t think they’re exactly providing Tilt with a full bed & breakfast.

After a couple of calls, the police offer to release Tilt for £105 and waiver the additional costs, as long as I can get him moved today. With it being the police, it’s a little hard for the Citizens Advice Bureau to do anything about it. The police are the police, they enforce the law, and they also steal my car and all my posessions within it, legally.

But I figure that £105 is better than £199 so I managed to get Autonational Rescue to re-send out Thundertruck 2 (which I was disapointed to find was white and not green) and bring him back to my house.

Tilt has now arrived and I’ve checked him over. There’s a lot more damage than I thought. His breaks are also jammed by the looks of it, and his electrics are a bit dodgy, not to mention quite a serious leak coming from the engine which I suspect is the oil.

Tomorrow, I’m driving him down to the garage to see if they can assess the damage. But to be honest, I’m not sure if Tilt’s going to be cheap enough or safe enough to repair. These might be his last days as a functioning car.