Yesterday people were digging up my garden.

Now they’re filling it up with concrete.

Normally I’d be worried, like the time that I woke up, looked outside and realised that the trees in my garden were missing. I went outside to investigate, and the top half of all our trees were lying on the grass. Someone had chopped down our trees. It wasn’t until the next day (after spending hours trying to convince people I wasn’t lying that someone had randomly chopped them down) that my Dad came back from wherever it was that he was and told me what had happened. He’d hired someone to “trim them back a bit”. The dozy idiot obviously misunderstood and cut them down to below-fence height.

Idiot.

Anyways, they’re just extending my driveway at the moment so that I don’t have to walk over grass everytime I want to get to my front door.

The tree murderer is not the only kind of idiot that shouldn’t be allowed to work. I’ve just repaired a computer that belongs to a primary school. They gave it to my dad to pass onto me saying “We think it has a virus”. “We think it has a virus” roughly translates to “something’s wrong with it and we don’t have a clue what”. So I turn it on and can’t find anything immediately wrong. I check the running tasks and registry entries and find loads of spyware/adware which I promptly remove. This is when I stumbled upon an interesting registry entry…

My Computer\HKEY Local Machine\Software\SCHLUMBERGER\

It turns out that it’s the name of a company that deals with smart cards, but still… it’s not every day you find a registry entry like that. “Schlumberger” is now my favorite word of the day, replacing yesterday’s word; “mulligrubs“.

Anyways, I found a couple of viruses, but nothing major – just ones related to downloading & installing more spyware/adware. I phoned up the school and asked them to give me more details on if there was anything more specific wrong with the machine? They told me that an electrical engineer had told them that there was a red dot on the screen and that they must NOT under any circumstances click on the red dot because “it is a virus” and “will destroy your computer”.

Let’s just get something straight. There is no red dot. I doubt there ever was a red dot. The only thing remotely related to a red dot is a single red dot that’s grouped together with a blue dot, a green dot, a pink dot and a yellow dot which forms the icon for some sort of Teletubbies edutainment software. Since when have Teletubbies been deemed dangerous? Able to corrupt the english language; maybe? The engineer obviously wanted to sound like he knew what he was talking about but COME ON?!?

So basically, since then, they haven’t dared to touch this computer all because of some guy who shoudn’t ever be allowed near one! Besides, he’s an electrical engineer? What the hell is he doing with the computer?

Anyway, there are far too many people like that who annoy the hell out of me because they think they’re smart by scaring people unnecessarily. Take George Bush for example?

Yeah, I think I’ve made my point….