Life without Shloer: Day 22
By AlThose who know me will know that I’ve met a fantastic girl recently. To put it simply - she’s amazing. Just to set the record straight - we’re not going out, we’ve agreed to stay friends for the time being. I for one don’t want to rush into anything anyway so I’m perfectly happy with the situation as it is. And for her protection, I’m not going to mention her name. Why? Well the main reason is because she doesn’t know about the existance of this site and I’ve learnt that this site isn’t the best thing to impress a girl with. Especially when it lists things like my belief in squeaking breasts, my misunderstandings about what a ‘boob tube’ is, and my inability to generally grasp most simple concepts.
Yeah okay, so it’s more about my protection than hers.
Anyhoo, onto less personal matters. (Yeah, sorry folks, unless you already know about the situation then I’m afraid that’s all you’re getting from me on here, hehe).
Today I passed my driving theory test. Again. Hopefully I should be able to book my driving test for April 6th, at which point I fully intend to pass (as do most prospective drivers).
At the moment, all I can say is that I was a very good driver up until the accident. Now I’m hoping that it won’t be too long until I’ll be able to say; “Guess what? I passed my driving test first time. Twice!”
On my way back I stopped off at McDonalds. It is at this point that my math appears to fail me and so I would really appreciate the assistance of anyone good at math?
Basically, I went into McDonalds with one genuine £10 note. That was all the money I had on me. It was legal, it was mine, and I gave it to some woman behind the counter called Janine when I ordered my McDonalds to take away.
I bought a meal which cost me about £5.50.
And somehow I’ve come back home with £11.14 in coins.
This has got me thinking. Maybe this is a new scheme that McDonalds are introducing? The more you eat, the more you earn? Eventually you’ll become so fat, so unhealthy that things will go wrong with you. You might become dangerously overweight? Or maybe you’ll become diabetic? Worse still, you might become a giant donut?
Can you imagine being a donut? You’d be covered in sugar all day, and in a week you’ll be as hard as rock and all your jam will have gone to waste. And if you’re lucky you came with sprinkles. But chances are that those have all been licked off by the neighbours dog anyway who, incidentally, is responsible for the mess underneath your shoe which you weren’t aware of up until a minute ago.
You try to blame the dog for licking up all your sprinkles but you can’t find him anywhere. Where is he? Has he been taken by the local dog catcher? Alas, he has not because unfortunately for you, because you’ve been desprinkled you failed to notice that he was actually a cat. And what’s the main problem with cats?
They outrank you with lives.
So there are a number of things you can do. Firstly, you can use your hard-earned cash from McDonalds to apply for anti-cat devices from the Acme company. Or you can try collecting enough cold coins or enough gold rings until you have 10 lives, and then attempt to go one-to-one with the cat, hoping of course that you’ve remembered to take your pet mouse out of your pocket.
And then whatever money you’ve got left over, you’re going to have to spend on turning yourself back into a person, assuming of course that all this hard work trying to get revenge on the cat hasn’t left you so hungry that you’ve started to eat yourself.
At which point I must point out that I think I’m struggling to cope without caffeine and I appear to have a slightly odd craving for donuts with sprinkles on at the moment. It’s quite bizarre.
I wonder if McDonalds will pay me to eat one?
Like a sponsored thing?
I miss my Shloer…. 
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Hey,
If you and this girl (you havnt mentioned her name, so i wont) do go out, i would suggest the moment you do, you password protect this blog, if she ever saw it, i imagine it might be the end of the relationship. Just a suggestion
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:23 pm
I think you’ve got a good point there. Or I could just deny everything? Plausable deniability.
Actually, considering the definition of the word ‘Choad’ it’s probably best that I don’t even mention the word at all. Period.
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:30 pm
hmmm a Choad and a Period :s
March 22nd, 2006 at 7:03 pm
LOL CHerron. nice. and about not showing her this site…i dunno, if you ever do go out, just refrain from telling her about it for awhile… until she gets to know you anyway. (btw hi to “the girl to be named later”– if you ever see this, that is. al is a stud. no, he really is.)
March 22nd, 2006 at 11:56 pm
is it just me or did the donut section have sexual overtones? :-s
March 23rd, 2006 at 3:34 am
Hey that happened to me once. Went to McDonalds, I had a $10 note and the meal cost $8.95 - somehow i got $11 back
(i didn’t tell them).
It’s McDonalds isn’t it? Not MacDonalds? Meh, might be different over there.
March 23rd, 2006 at 5:33 am
^ ^ veb is right! where does the ‘a’ come from! and lea, i went back and checked out the donut section. something about being hard and losing jam… i dunno.. certainly sounds sexual to me too
March 23rd, 2006 at 3:30 pm
lol! yay not just me, i particularly liked the sentence
“And if you’re lucky you came with sprinkles”
hehe, sorry Al, i’ll stop there
March 23rd, 2006 at 5:19 pm
I’ve corrected every instance of “MacDonalds” and replaced it with “McDonalds”. I always used to think it was McDonalds but I remember having an argument with someone who swore it was MacDonalds because of the term “Macky D’s”.
So ever since then it’s left me quite confused. But thanks to Google’s Image Search, I’ve found the proof that you’re all correct, and that I’m as useless as a kangaroo in pyjamas.
And what’s with all the sexual stuff? I never intended there to be sexual stuff? If there was an award for non-sexual stuff I’d win that award hands-down. I’m not saying I couldn’t be sexual if I tried, but there’s not much for me to try it with. Not that I’d use something to be sexual with, I’m just trying to clarify that I was talking strictly about donuts and what being a donut mike be like.
I really miss my Shloer…
March 23rd, 2006 at 5:24 pm
Lies! All Lies! Al is most perverted person I know!
March 23rd, 2006 at 5:33 pm
Somebody needs a hug….
March 23rd, 2006 at 5:44 pm
so does that mean Al comes with! spinkles or comes sprinkles?
Either way im scared :s
March 23rd, 2006 at 7:11 pm
lol sorry Al shouldnt have brought it up
*hugs Al being mindful of the sprinkles*
March 23rd, 2006 at 7:35 pm
It’s not like I brought it up on purpose! You’re the one who twisted it!!!
March 23rd, 2006 at 11:59 pm
i think subconsciously you meant for me to twist it
March 24th, 2006 at 12:15 am
You know, maybe you should think about showing people you meet your site first thing. That way, you can get it over with. I mean, why have feelings for someone, possibly start dating and doing the horizontal monster mash all the time, just to have them discover the site later and end the whole thing. What’s her e-mail again?
March 24th, 2006 at 6:04 am
So Al, what’s your favorite kind of donut?
March 24th, 2006 at 10:11 am
WHAT THE HELL IS SHLOER
March 24th, 2006 at 9:07 pm
Your question has been answered here;
http://www.thechoad.com/2006/03/24/i-love-shloer/