For those of you who listened to Episode 3 of The Choad Show you will have heard about Dave going on his charity thing. Well he did but unfortunately there was no sumo wrestling. Instead there was about 300 people watching him go down a slide covered in water, grass, detergent, etc.

Anyway, I was invited over to Dave’s house by his parents for lunch at 2:30pm. Although when I got there I was handed a hammer and told to help work on their sitting room. And then I was told to sand down the door. And then Dave’s mom pointed out that I was doing work on their house instead of eating lunch and I suddenly realised that I’d been diddled. They joked saying that I probably wouldn’t have come over had I known that I’d be doing DIY stuff on their sitting room.

But to be honest, I didn’t mind. I don’t mind helping them. That’s why it hadn’t really occured to me that we weren’t eating. In fact by the time Dave got over at 4pm we finally ate in the back yard (which was really nice) and then we had to help load a sofa into the back of a truck because they’re selling it (as part of their redecorating) to their cleaner. Only there was one slight problem…

The sofa doesn’t fit through the front door. So instead we had to go through the fence in the back yard and take it up the path that goes around the whole housing estate. But when we got round to the passage way and back onto the road, was the van there? No, so instead we had to wait. And what do you do when you have a sofa and you’re waiting for someone to show up in a van? You sit on it! That’s what you do! So sit on it is what we did; me, Dave, and Andy (the cleaner’s husband or boyfriend - not sure which but I’m assuming husband).

When the van finally arrived, there wasn’t room for Dave and I, so again we just sat on the sofa whilst we were in the back of the van - something we’ve not done since Dave and I were in the back of the removal van on the way back from moving furniture into Dave’s brother’s new house. It never gets old. This actually makes it my 3rd time in the back of a van/truck. The first time was alone, the other two times were with Dave. When I told him that we could be truck buddies, he told me never to say that again because it makes us sound gay.

But he’s not gay. He’s not. I don’t think he is. His sister thinks he might be. But no, Dave is not gay. He just doesn’t want me to touch him.

As I write this not only is it getting late but this room is absolutely boiling. I’m not afraid in telling you that I’m literally down to my boxers and sweating like a mule. Well I’m still a virgin (and not ashamed of it) so it’s not that I’m about to, or have lost my virginity. I’m also not in the changing rooms after some sort of sporting event of after a few hours at the gym. I’m just hot because my room has decided that tonight it’s going to pretend to be a microwave oven.

I’m not kidding. I walk through the other rooms of the house and they’re fine; for some reason my room is the only one that absorbs all the heat. I’m surprised my mac isn’t overheating from all this, but then again they’re built to stay cool (and are able to do so so well that they hardly need any fans at all which is why they sound virtually silent compared to the jet engine noises of PCs).

I’ve also decided that I need a new hobby for the summer months. I’m thinking of taking up gopher spotting. And for every 10 gophers that I find I’m going to hit myself on the head with a baguette.

I’m also considering the possibility of everytime I see a woman over 90 years old, walking up to her and saying “Hello, I don’t have enough noses but I have plenty of toes” and then carry on walking.

Dave’s sister Kate today pointed out (just as my Dad has ever since primary school) that I pronounce ‘computer’ as “Com-pew-der” because of the way I pronounce my ‘t’s. So essentially, when I say “duty” it comes out more like “doodie”. So at some time during the holidays I want to emphasise my pronounciation, go down to the hardware store and ask them for some “heavy doodie equipment”. I’d love it if they came out to me with some sort of ultra-powered Black & Decker pooper-scooper!

I’m going to have a lot of free time in the school holidays…

This entry was posted on Monday, June 12th, 2006 at 12:59 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.