I won a beige jacket made by NEXT today on eBay for £1.04. Yah, just ONE POUND AND FOUR BLOODY PENNIES!!! Bargain methinks. So basically I’ve decided that I’m going to celebrate by dyeing it red.

My Mac, Steve came back today. They’re not sure what caused his problems but apparently it’s likely that there could have been a fluxuation from the power in the mains - which isn’t really surprising considering how much equipment I can have on at any one time in my house.

I even once decided to see how much equipment I could have on in my room (and to subsequently see if I could contract brain cancer). I think I managed to get about 15 seperate devices plugged in at once? I used 4-way adapters, but I was safe and didn’t plug an adapter into an adapter.

If I remember correctly, this is what I had plugged in that day;

1. My Laptop (It was a pile of poop that ran Windows 2000 and Linux)
2. My PC (It was the server on my little network - but Win2000 on the laptop did not like being Win98’s bitch!)
3. My primary monitor
4. My secondary monitor (yup - dual displays back then)
5. Speakers
6. Zip-250 Drive
7. Acorn A4000
8. Compaq 286 Portable Computer (it would be a mistake to call it a laptop as it’s so big and heavy that it makes your legs numb after 5 minutes)
9. Casio Keyboard (as in the musical variety)
10. Lego Mindstorms RCX Controller (See - I was going full-whack that day)
11. TV
12. VCR
13. Phone charger (with phone)
14. Printer
15. My Desk Lamp
16. My Plasma Ball (for effect)

Hehe, turns out it was 16. I was close though. 17 if you count my house phone, but I don’t know if that counts as it takes its power from the phone line. I didn’t leave them all plugged in long though because you know how on 80s sci-fi movies when there’s a scene that plays out kinda like where there’s a power surge because some kid called Gary Fudgemeister brought a robotic can opener to life with his computer and a soldering iron after wishing he were a real boy? You know - when the lights start to flicker and you get that whole “BZZZZT” noise?

Yeah - I had THAT. That effect is real - it’s not just on TV! It was that moment I unplugged everything in fear of my house exploding (I figure that if that effect is real then so are all the buildings exploding in Independence Day).

I’m not quite that bad these days but I still tend to charge my body up with static electricity every time I enter the room…

Talking of rooms, I started back at work today. It was crazy because they’ve knocked down some walls and built others. I went into my office to find it bigger than ever and with new people in it. I also couldn’t find my drawers on wheels so I spent ages trying to hunt it down (to no avail). It’s a small thing that’s just slightly above knee-height with 3 drawers and it was really handy but now I can’t find it.

Rob, one of the Men in Black (remember them?) then pointed out that my desk was missing - and he was right. After another half an hour of searching the caretaker informs me that when they picked it up, the side fell off, then the legs, and then it split in two, so they threw it out. I have a new desk on order now, apparently.

Whilst searching I found that they’ve installed a brand new payphone just outside my office. There was a photocopier just infront of it and being a curious fellow I reached over the photocopier and grabbed the receiver. I wanted to (for some reason) hear the dial tone and pulled the receiver towards me.

It’s hard to stress how quickly and how hard I yanked that receiver over to me, but in my haste I failed to notice that the cord wasn’t that long and somehow I ended up smakcing myself in the face with the receiver. The pain subsided after about an hour.

I’m not sure if I pulled the receiver into my face, or if the receiver stopped suddenly causing me to suddenly pull my face into the receiver. Either way, in the battle of Al vs Payphone, Payphone wins.

Now forgive my language, but I got a bit pissed off today because some moron known as Jamie ‘Bastard’ Oliver has sent the school canteen thing into a massive frenzy!

First they stopped selling chips, which I could live with. Then they stopped selling chocolate, which was tough but I managed.

Now they’ve stopped selling Ribena because of the sugar content!

Jamie Oliver, you sir, are a bastard! Thou ist a bastard of the bastardiest kind - and you probably have no pets! Not that that has anything to do with anything other than buying pet food which would be pointless if you didn’t have any pets, unless you’re planning on incorporating it into a healthy evening snack? For all we know, food cooked in a school kitchen won’t be safe any more and all children and staff will have to eat tinned dog food whilst being prodded by angry badgers who wait patiently to turn us into tomato-mining slaves for you you sick cook!

What’s a man to do when he can’t drink his Ribena? Now yes, I may be a Shloerolic but for some reason schools don’t believe in Shloer, so I have to default to the next best thing that they serve; Ribena. Up until my last day before the holidays I used to have 2 or 3 small bottles of the stuff a day. Now I can’t and it’s all Jamie’s fault!

People of the world, I implore you! Please join me by adding a comment to show your support in my “Assassinate Jamie Oliver” campaign! I intend to impale him repeatedly with exploding swordfish filled with hungry hungry hippos whilst ramming food that went off in 1973 down his throat! Nobody takes away both my chocolate AND my Ribena! NOBODY!!!

AND I STILL DON’T KNOW WHERE MY BLOODY DRAWERS ARE!!!

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 7th, 2006 at 12:17 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.