I had one of the most bizarre dreams last night. I was with a few people who in real life I’ve never met before but apparently were really good friends of mine. We all went to a christian camp site and one of them asked me where we should pitch our tent - so I suggested somewhere near some other Christians (Don’t ask… but for some reason in the dream it was hilarious). So we did and started unpacking and one of the people there pulled out a bag full of water and complained that their PSP had leaked.

Yeah I haven’t got the foggiest what the hell that was about either.

Anyway, it wasn’t long at all before we all decided to shrink ourselves and enter my body. I’m not sure what it was that brought us to this decision, and I’ve never had anybody enter me before and I’ve certainly never entered myself and I have no idea how it’s scientifically possible and I did ask someone later in my dream whose only explanation was “It’s complicated, but don’t worry yourself about it. All you need to know is that it’s going to hurt in the morning when you wake up.”

Had I had this information the moment I was shrunk I don’t think that I would have entered myself, nor allowed other people to do so either. The weird thing is that I now do have a kind of stomach ache and I somehow feel violated as I have no idea where the other people went or if they’re still inside me. I think that maybe they’re perhaps still on their camping trip and are currently all sat around a campfire in my stomach, singing songs about my large intestine whilst fending off a giant tape worm called Billy.

So in the dream we’re walking around my blood veins kinda and it’s kinda reminiscent of the movie “Innerspace” or the cartoon “Once Upon a Time… Life”. Does anyone remember that cartoon? It was a french cartoon (dubbed in English over here) from the late 80s that told the story of the human body for kids. I never really knew it was an educational show on a conscious level; I just thought it was an interesting premise for a show. If you haven’t seen it, then just think of it as the 80s cartoon that most likely inspired Osmosis Jones.

We come to a fork in the vein where it splits into 3 and together we all run and jump into different ones and use it like a water slide, meeting up at the bottom. We then walk forward and there’s a wall with 16 gaps in. We each decide to choose one at random.

“Ready? 1… 2… 3… GO!”

I jump forward, into the tight slit in this wall and shout “YAHOOOO!” and as I do, I hear the others saying “Notice how he’s the only one shouting yahoo and finding this fun?”

What? I figure if you’re wandering around your body and you’re completely lost which, in all honesty I was, you’ve got to find fun and adventure in there somewhere. I fell past some sorta giant blue ball with sticks coming out of it and just thought to myself that that would be funny if that was some kinda huge ball of dust and that I was in the nose.

I fall through all sorts of tubing and things and look to the side to see a transparent wall that saw into the outside world where my body was in a room watching The Simpsons. I continued falling and the only way to really describe what I was seeing was indeed the inside of my nose, made up of fabric and plastic tubing and basically how you’d imagine it on a late 70s / early 80s TV show if they had to make a TV set based on the inside of a nose on an embarassingly low budget.

Instead of falling out of my nostrils, I hit some kinda ledge. There’s some grass and then it kinda goes into some sort of laboratory. There’s this purple guy with some sort of rock music t-shirt on and he’s strapped to a reclined dentists chair. Further along there’s a shelf and there’s another purple guy trapped in a jar about the size of a small bottle of water, so this guy’s pretty tiny and he’s surrounded by other empty jars. I suddenly bump into this scientist-looking fellow wearing a lab-coat (just like all scientist-looking people, regardless of whether they’re there to take you away or not).

Anyway, he’s the guy who explains how it’s possible for me to be shrunk and go inside my own body and how it will hurt in the morning, and it was really a mind-opening experience being able to talk to the guy who controls my nose. He apologised for the cold I had a little while ago and it’s because a virus had gotten in; who just happened to be the purple guy strapped down. Apparently rather than sending him off to another part of the body to destroy him, they were studying him to make sure that I wouldn’t get ill from any of his buddies later on.

Clever eh?

Anyway he goes and I end up talking to the purple guy in the jar. He was nice but being purple, I didn’t trust him. I kept shrugging him off, thinking of him as a virus until the scientific dude came back and told me that that was his assistant. He disappears again and so I go through this lengthy process of apologising for thinking he was some kind of disease and it turns out that he’s done loads of brilliant things to my nose in the form of upgrades and everything and that he’s been working on my nose since I was a baby. So after 23 years I figured he was in need of some respect so I started complimenting him and he turned bright yellow which, apparently is his form of turning red when he gets shy.

Seriously though - he looked like a tiny Simpsons character. I even told him so and he giggled and thought it was funny because he used to watch The Simpsons all the time through the transparent wall of my nose each time it was on. Yeah, interesting scientific fact; skin is transparent from the inside and creatures inside your body enjoy The Simpsons. He also puffed out a little aswell as he got shy - it was kinda cute. Suddenly there was a noise and he immediately turned back to a dark purple and we both looked to my left.

The virus was now wearing a suit, laughing and there was a guard strapped to the chair and Winona Ryder was being a stupid bitch and had used some spray that covers people in foam, restricting them. The guard guy was covered in the stuff. A couple of the camping team showed up and she sprayed them aswell, turning them into foam-covered statues. Wherever the foam hit they also turned jet-black like they were covered in oil (except in foam-form).

Don’t ask me how or why, but apparently Winona Ryder was on our camping trip and the stupid bitch was getting paranoid and not trusting anyone and was going around foaming everyone! She’d been talked around by the virus who’d dumped his rock t-shirt and had a suit and was ready to infect the rest of my body!

Not on my watch he doesn’t!!!

So I leaped over, grabbed the cannister out of Winona’s hands, beat her in the face with it repeatedly (just for the record, I don’t have anything against her, and I’d never hit a girl, but she had just unleashed a virus upon my body so I almost beat her to death) and then sprayed enough foam on her to stop her from messing about and ruining things further.

I then ran after the virus, inside the low-budget tv set that was my nose. Really, I love that; the fact that my subconscious mind is creative enough to come up with something this bizarre, yet I’m apparently so poor that I can’t even afford to have a realistic-looking dream! I guess that the government is raising the price on high-quality dreams just like they are taxes.

And then of course, someday we’ll end up with freeview digital dreams and anyone still receiving terrestrial dreams will suddenly have their dreams cut off and they’ll either have to go digital or go dreamless.

I wonder what the dreams are like if I pay a subscription like people do with SkyDigital? I bet they come with better special effects…

He ran out onto the grass and I sprayed the foam on his legs and he stopped in his tracks. I completely covered him from head-to-toe until he was this giant shiny black foam paralized statue, at which point the scientist came in and couldn’t believe what’d happened.

He helped me put the rock t-shirt back onto the virus and strap him down again.

I felt I’d done what I came to do and decided to call it a night. I thanked every creature in my nose for their hard work and wished them all the best, then climbed back up the inside of my nose, pulling myself up with the piping and using the metal girders as supports for my feet to stand on as I climbed.

I re-traced my steps through the blood vessels until I got back to the campsite, packed up my tent and left. At which point I woke up in my bed, the only thought going through my mind being “Winona Ryder is a complete and utterly stupid bitch and the next time she enters my body I’m going to have her arrested by my white blood cells and have my liver beat some sense into her…”

This was suddenly followed by the thought “What the hell just happened?”, which in turn was quickly followed by “Freud, eat your heart out!”

Seriously! What the hell must I have done yesterday to end up with a dream like that?!? More to the point - What the hell was that all about?!?

If anyone has ANY idea what the hell that dream was supposed to be about, I’d like to know. I’m also worried that if I sneeze that I’ll knock the jar with my little friend inside off the shelf. Towards the end though, it was very action-filled and I was quite impressed with the soundtrack, which felt kinda John Williams-ish

Actually, now I’m worried that perhaps this wasn’t a one-off and might be part of a series? I don’t want to go visiting other parts of my body. I don’t know what other parts of my body other people went to. Or, come to think of it, what the hell Winona Ryder was doing in other parts of my body before she visited my nose…?

I guess I should just be thankful that my dream wasn’t being directed by Tim Burton - that woulda been seriously f**ked up!!!

This entry was posted on Monday, October 30th, 2006 at 11:43 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.