I’ve decided that I might make my children’s story a series, kinda like the Mr Men books, only this will be a collection of Mr Bridge stories.

I’ve written it with 5-10 year olds in mind, and I’d love to hear about what you guys think of my story.

So here’s the first story in the Mr Bridge series;

Once upon a time there was an exciting bridge who was having the most exciting time. It was such an exciting time that you, the reader, can’t even begin to imagine how exciting it was. It was even more exciting than the excitement that you are experiencing right now!

And do you know what else is exciting? His name is Mr Bridge!

One day a man with an umbrella stepped onto Mr Bridge, and Mr Bridge said “I can see you!” The man was startled, and looked around to see who was there, but couldn’t see anyone. He decided that he must be being followed by ghosts! As the man ran away as fast as he could, Mr Bridge giggled in excitement over the exciting prank he’d successfully played on him.

It wasn’t long until a little 14 year old emo girl appeared. She was dressed in black and her arms had been sliced to shreds. She stepped onto Mr Bridge and then onto Mr Bridge’s wall. She looked down, ready to jump. She had been contemplating suicide for the last year but hadn’t decided which way to die was best. She’d attempted electrocution, hanging, death by wild voles and overdosing on her dad’s viagra tablets, but someone always managed to appear just in time and stop her.

So this time she decided to go to Mr Bridge and commit suicide by jumping off and drowning herself in the river below, assuming that the rocks didn’t break her neck first.

As she stood on the wall, looking down at the water she saw the reflection of a dove. She looked up and saw the most beautiful creature that she’d ever seen and realized that there was far more to life than she had originally thought. She whistled at the dove and it flew down to greet her.

As she reached out her hand, Mr Bridge shouted “BOO!” and the girl fell. She landed on the dove whose beak managed to lacerate her jugular vein. She fell down onto the rocks below and broke both her legs and her spine. Her bones had been shattered into a million pieces and the pain she was suffering was indescribable. Unable to move and with her throat sliced open leaving her unable to speak, her blood covering her entire face as she coughed it all up; she died a long, slow and painful death.

Mr Bridge giggled at his exciting joke.

Later that day, a man carrying a penguin which he’d stolen from the local zoo stepped onto Mr Bridge, and again Mr Bridge said “Ouch!” The penguin thief stood there dazed and confused, not knowing what it was that was making the noise. He looked down at the penguin.

“Oh, you’re in pain?” said the man. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was only curious about what penguin burgers would taste like. I don’t want to see you in pain. So I’ll put you out of your misery.”

At that moment he threw the penguin out in front of a large bus. The bus drove over the penguin crushing its skull, killing him instantly which caused the driver to lose control. The bus full of passengers then crashed through the side of a house, home to some islamic terrorists who were preparing explosives with which to kill themselves. The explosives detonated, everyone’s skin boiled and blistered before being incinerated by the blast – killing everyone in the house, everyone in the bus, and igniting the gas feed in the house, causing every other building in the street to subsequently blow up therefore killing everyone – including old Mrs Jenkins at number 42.

And her cat.

But it’s okay because Tony Babbett at number 26 had stolen nuclear rods from a nearby power plant so they would have all died from radiation poisoning anyway, which ironically happened to anyone who came within 5 miles of Mr Bridge.

But because Mr Bridge is made out of bricks, he didn’t get sick.

And he lived happily, ever after.

The End.

I love happy endings, don’t you?