As I’ve mentioned somewhere in a previous post (I swear it exists - I’m just too tired to search for it) - the longer I go without making a post, the harder it gets to write one. The problem is that lots of things happen and whilst I could go into depth with each thing, when you leave them aaaages then you find yourself restricting what you have to write.
Which sucks.
For instance, |I went to see my favourite stand-up comedian, Ross Noble. And just like last time, I got to talk to him during the show again. He wasn’t keen on my idea for executing people whereby you chain them up and then release rabid homicidle baboons. What? I had to ask what his thoughts on it were.
It turns out that the flaw in my plan is “how do you tell the difference between a normal monkey and a specifically homicidle monkey?” Which eventually led him to then suggest creating my own television series; CSI Gibraltar!
Right now I am absolutely shattered I should really be asleep in bed but meh - I’m staying up for you guys. And if you don’t like it, then I’ll cut you until you almost die from it. And then I’ll save your life because I’m now a fully qualified first-aider! 
I asked a year ago, but I managed to finally get on a course paid for by work. It was really good, though not everyone was able to get my sense of humour - nor my serious questions. One of my questions was actually serious, though it appeared not to be by the instructor who ign ored it until I begged him for a answer afterward.
If you’re not from the UK, you may not be familiar with the Children in Need mascot; Pudsey. He has a bandage over his head and I asked the instructor that based on the type of bandage used, what kind of injuries he’s sustained. According to my instructor, it would just be a minor head wound and nothing to worry about.
Which means one of four things;
- Pudsey like all teddy bears is unable to heal himself and doesn’t know how to use a needle and thread
- Pudsey’s injuries must have healed since he first injured himself in 1985 and so he’s now going for the sympathy vote for the sake of raising money for Children in Need
- Pudsey’s clumsier than I am and keeps getting the same injury year after year after year
- someone makes an attempt on Pudsey’s life each year, but each time fails to learn that a minor head wound isn’t enough to kill him.
I freaked Dave out the other day by constantly saying all the ways that someone could die (it’s quiet worring that this couse actually gives you a good insight into how to kill someone as well as how to save them). And slightly ironically, just last night I saw a documentary called ‘Grizzly Man’ about a guy who lived with grizzly bears.
Basically he was unsuccessful in life after injuring himself, therefore ruining his chances for a univerisity swimming scholarship. Failing that he tried his hand at acting, only to lose a role in ‘Cheers’ to Woody Harrelson.
Rejected by society, he sets up a company and each summer goes to spend times with wild bears to study and protect them. It’s a shame though because his early years have left him really messed up.
He still has teddy bears, and he constantly tells the local foxes and bears how he loves them. And I mean repeatedly. And be becomes convinced that they can understand him and that he’s effectively one of them - something that he appears to desperately want more than anything.
So after talking to them for almost a couple of decades, befriending them, petting them, telling them that he loves them, one of them kills him and his girlfriend.
If you watch the documentary then you’ll see that really it was his own stupid fault. (And no, his death isn’t really a spoiler as it mentions it very early on).
Based on the footage this guy recorded, they sounded like they were 95% sure as to which bear attacked them. But my money’s on the other 5% - I reckon Pudsey did it!
One thing I’ve realised lately is to be careful about my name on msn. Today I’ve been logged in as;
Al: Time to find a new job…
After a while I started to realise that people were getting confused and thinking that I’ve been fired. This isn’t the case - my job at the high school is very secure - I’m not at any risk of losing my job and in fact I’m sure that I’ll be able to keep it indefinately.
But there lies the problem.
Today I had a meeting with the headmaster and assistant head. What resulted from that meeting was confirmation that I will never be able to get a pay raise, that if I change my job description to what I want then I’ll go down a pay grade, and that there is no career development structure at all, which means that it’s a dead end job. I’m not trying to blow my own horn but they are ripping me off for the skills that I provide them with.
So what next? Well I’ve decided that I’m going to keep the job for a while and then when I’ve sorted everything else out, then I’ll leave. So what’s the other stuff?
Basically, I’m fed up of Cheshire. There’s nothing wrong with it - it’s a nice place. But I’ve lived here most of my life and the place I live at the moment is like a black hole. It’s easy to get in, but anyone living here will tell you that it just sucks you in! Once you’re in then it’s virtually impossible to get out of. I’m guessing that that’s why the bears outside haven’t been able to leave either! (And if you want proof of how deadly they are, just watch that documentary I was on about earlier!)
So if I get a new job around this area, then I’m going to have to be there for a few years, which means that realistically, I’ll never leave. My Dad’s moving house in just over 2 years which means I need to be able to financially support myself and have my own place - and I’ll be damned if I’m getting one around here! So the plan is to find a job somewhere down south and then move there straight away.
I’m going to get a decent job and attempt to persue an acting career on a professional level; which is why I’ve made the decision to head south so that I can have better access to London. A friend of mine has a girlfriend who’s got contacts so I’m going to explore any opportunities that will provide etc, so we’ll just have to see what happens.
But bottom line is that in less than a year’s time I’m going to leave my current job, get a new one somewhere down south, move out of my Dad’s and into a new house near wherever I end up working, attempt to persue an acting career, start-up my part-time business in PC repairs that I’ve been planning on doing for a while (called ‘Mango Computers’) and take a course to get some more qualifications.
So it’s going to be a busy time for me once I move, but hey - it’s gotta be done and it’ll open up loads of opportunities for me and hopefully I’ll start to earn enough money to support myself (seeing as what I earn now is a joke).
There’s one expenditure that I’m hoping to get in a week’s time -and that’s my car. I have [yet another] driving test on Friday, and hopefully I’ll be able to get my sodding licence back!
Anyways, I’m going to go to bed for three reasons;
- I’m shattered and need some sleep
- My iBook, Professor Snugglesworth, is almost out of battery power
- I have a paranoid feeling that a lemon is going to attack me with his friend Mr Asparagus because I haven’t yet finished my children’s book.
Basically, earlier today I decided that I wanted to write a children’s book about a bridge. This is how it began;
Once upon a time there was a bridge.
But my friend Helen said that it was “unexciting”. So I decided to add to my masterpiece;
Once upon a time there was an exciting bridge.
Apparently it still wasn’t exciting enough. So I decided to spruce it up a little;
Once upon a time there was an exciting bridge who was having the most exciting time. It was such an exciting time that you, the reader, can’t even begin to imagine how exciting it was. It was even more exciting than the excitement that you are experiencing right now!
And if you’re well behaved, you may just get the next thrilling installment of the exciting tale of the bridge.
Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the Eskimo-Ninjas bite….
